Sunday, 11 May 2025

What Is Your 90-Day Fiancé?

  

What Is Your 90-Day Fiancé?

Have you ever sat down on a quiet evening, perhaps with a warm drink in hand, the chaos of the day behind you, and clicked “play” on a show like 90 Day Fiancé? I have. More times than I can count, actually. And let me tell you, I don’t just watch that show—I observe it. I watch with my heart, my mind, my experience, and yes, sometimes a twinge of sadness too.

90 Day Fiancé is more than entertainment to me. It’s a mirror. A fast-paced, edited-down glimpse into something much bigger: our deep human desire to be chosen, to be loved, to be safe. We all want to be the exception to the rule. We want to believe that someone will fly across the world for us, risk their whole life just to start a new chapter with us. That kind of love feels thrilling, almost holy. But then... why doesn’t it last?

It’s not just the time limit. It’s not just the visa. And it’s not just the cultural gaps or language barriers or meddling in-laws. No, I believe it’s because the foundation was never properly built in the first place.


Love on a Timer

The idea of falling in love in 90 days is romantic, right? A whirlwind journey of connection, risk, and commitment. And for some, that story ends in a lifetime of happiness. But for many—too many—it ends with heartbreak, arguments, legal complications, and wounds that sometimes don’t heal for years.

So what is the real issue?

Let me offer you this: it’s not about the 90 days. It’s about what those 90 days represent. A countdown. A pressure cooker. A timeline too short to build something that was always meant to take longer. The best relationships aren’t microwaved. They’re slow cooked. They’re rooted in patience, humility, trust, and faith—not in deadlines.


The Hope We All Carry

I get it. I do. I’ve hoped like that too. Hoped that the next person would be the person. Hoped that this time, things would be different. That someone would finally see me for who I am and love me through it. That the loneliness would melt away the moment their plane landed. That finally, my life would feel full.

But sometimes, the person who walks off that plane isn’t sent by God. Sometimes, they’re just someone passing through your story—and it hurts deeply when we realize that.

The hard truth is, many of these couples on the show fall in love with the idea of love more than they fall in love with the person in front of them. And when reality sets in—when money runs low, when the language barriers become arguments, when families clash or dreams don’t match—they fall apart. Because the fantasy couldn’t hold up under the weight of real life.


Love Without Foundation Crumbles

This isn’t just a TV show observation. This is a life principle. Without a foundation, anything can look good for a season, but it won’t stand the test of time.

Think about what Jesus taught in Matthew 7:24-27. He talked about the wise man who built his house on the rock. The rains came, the winds blew, but that house stood firm. Why? Because of the foundation. But the foolish man built his house on sand. And when the storm came, that house fell with a great crash.

I see a lot of relationships—on TV, in my life, in my community—that are built on sand. On chemistry. On loneliness. On attraction. On convenience. And when the storms of life come—and they will come—that relationship crashes down.

What if instead of rushing to find “the one,” we took the time to build our own foundation first?


The Pain That Follows

What’s worse than being alone? Being worse off than when you were alone.

When these relationships end, there’s emotional pain—yes. But also legal stress, financial loss, betrayal, and shame. You risked it all for love, and it didn’t pan out. And now you feel like a fool. But let me stop you right there: you’re not a fool.

You’re just human. A human with a heart that longs for connection. A human that wanted to be loved.

Don’t let one broken relationship—or even ten—harden your heart to the possibility that God has someone beautiful prepared for you. Just make sure you’re building your heart’s house on the rock this time. Not on fantasy. Not on lust. Not on desperation. On the rock.


So What Do We Do Now?

We do the work that nobody sees.

We heal.

We pray.

We build a life so full and grounded in God that anyone who comes in is simply joining what is already good.

And when you’re strong in your faith, rooted in your purpose, and sure of who you are in Christ—you won’t be looking for someone to complete you. You’ll be looking for someone to partner with you. Someone to build with. Someone who doesn’t just spark your heart—but strengthens your spirit.

 

The Person God Wrote for You

Let me ask you a question I’ve had to ask myself lately—do you believe God has already written someone into your story?

Now, I know that can stir up all kinds of feelings. If you're single, it might feel like hope. If you're divorced, maybe it feels like regret. And if you're in a relationship that’s testing your limits, maybe it feels like confusion. But the deeper truth here is this: God does write people into our story. He’s the Author of life, after all. But we still have to turn the pages with discernment, with patience, and with faith.

I don’t think we “miss” the person God has for us by accident. I believe we miss them when we ignore His voice. When we try to speed up the timeline. When we choose someone based on feelings instead of foundations. When we lean on emotion instead of wisdom. That’s when we start handing out permanent places in our hearts to people who were only meant to be in a single chapter.

And friend, it’s not that God is punishing us—it’s that He wants us to stop settling for less than His best.


The Pressure to Succeed

Now back to the 90-day thing for a moment. Can you imagine the pressure of trying to prove your entire worth, value, compatibility, and future potential—all in three months?

Think about it: these couples are under the spotlight. Some of them are leaving everything behind: their family, their culture, their jobs, their language, and sometimes even their dignity. And for what? For a relationship that they hope is real. For a dream that maybe love can finally conquer all. But pressure like that crushes people. It doesn’t build them up. And when you add social media to the mix? Forget it.

Suddenly, the relationship isn’t even about the two people anymore. It’s about likes, opinions, comments, and brand deals. It’s about followers who pick sides when things get rough. It's not two hearts becoming one—it’s two hearts performing on a stage.

That’s not marriage. That’s performance art. And that kind of love doesn’t last.


Let’s Talk About Social Media

Social media is one of the biggest culprits here. It convinces us that love should look perfect, glossy, and presentable. We scroll and see proposals in Paris, wedding videos edited like movie trailers, and couples laughing over lattes on cobblestone streets. What we don’t see is the disagreement that happened before the camera turned on. Or the financial stress. Or the long talks that didn’t end in understanding. Or the tears shed in private while the world still “likes” your last post.

We start to believe that if our love doesn’t look like that, it must be wrong.

But real love? It’s not always Instagrammable. Sometimes, it looks like someone folding your laundry. Sometimes it’s a quiet prayer when you’re sick. Sometimes it’s forgiving each other after a hard conversation. And yes, sometimes it's sitting side by side in silence, both choosing not to walk away.

You won’t find that kind of love trending. But you will find it in people who’ve chosen to build their lives on something deeper than validation from strangers.


Let’s Go Deeper: Emotional Roots

Another thing I see in these failed 90-day relationships—and maybe in some of our own—is that the emotional roots don’t go deep enough.

It’s easy to fall in love with someone’s accent, their laugh, their sense of adventure. But what happens when the real stuff hits? When someone loses their job. When your savings dry up. When one person wants kids and the other doesn’t. When religion, family, and lifestyle differences become loud?

Without deep emotional roots—mutual respect, aligned values, shared vision, and a strong spiritual center—those relationships get pulled up like weeds in a windstorm. It doesn’t matter how pretty the flower looks if it’s never been rooted in good soil.

Love has to be planted deep. It has to be watered with time, truth, transparency, and trust. If it isn’t—no matter how beautiful it starts—it won’t survive.


God’s Version of Love

Let’s come back to the foundation.

If we want to build a love that lasts, we have to go back to the source of love itself. God. Not culture. Not movies. Not our own desires.

In 1 Corinthians 13, we’re reminded what real love is: patient, kind, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. Love that rejoices with the truth. Love that protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

Do you know what that kind of love requires?

Work. Grace. Forgiveness. Humility. Surrender.

And yes, it requires faith. Not just in the other person—but in God.

That’s why I say: don’t just look for chemistry. Look for someone you can go to war with—in prayer, in hardship, in ministry, in family. Look for someone who’s willing to do the foundation work with you.


If You're Still Waiting…

If you’re reading this and you’re still single—can I just say something that might be hard to hear but is full of truth?

You are not behind. You are not broken. And you are not forgotten.

Don’t believe the lie that says your singleness is a sign of failure or punishment. Sometimes it’s a sign of protection. Sometimes it’s preparation. Sometimes, it’s so God can grow you into the person your future spouse needs. Not just the person they want.

While you wait, build your foundation. Heal from past relationships. Learn your worth in Christ. Learn how to communicate. Learn how to listen. Learn how to serve. Learn how to love without losing yourself.

Because when God writes someone into your story, you’ll want to be ready—not desperate.


And If You’re Already Married…

If you’re married and reading this thinking, “We didn’t build a strong foundation,” let me encourage you. It’s not too late. God is a master builder—even in homes with cracks.

Start where you are. Pray together. Have the hard conversations. Set new boundaries. Go to counseling. Relearn each other. Say “I’m sorry.” Say “I forgive you.” Say “I still choose you.”

And most importantly—invite God into your marriage. Not just for the Sunday mornings, but for the Tuesday night arguments. For the budget meetings. For the bedtime prayers. For the parenting decisions. For the seasons where love feels more like work than romance.

With Him, nothing is impossible.


Closing the Chapter—But Not the Book

So here’s what I leave you with:

What is your 90-day fiancé?

Is it a rushed relationship? A job you jumped into too fast? A decision made out of pressure instead of prayer?

We all have a “90-day” story—something we wanted so badly that we skipped the slow build and jumped into. And maybe it worked. But maybe it left you more broken than before.

But that doesn’t mean you’re finished. It means you’re being formed. And there’s grace for that.

There’s a better story being written. And it’s not a reality show. It’s reality—when you give the pen back to God.

Keep the faith. Stay rooted. Build well. Because when the right one comes—and I believe they will—you won’t need 90 days. You’ll just need trust, time, and a solid foundation.

And that, my friend, will stand the test of time.

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