The Elusive Intimate Relationship We All Long For
There’s something we all quietly long for,
even if we’ve buried it under years of hurt, disappointment, or false starts.
It’s the kind of relationship that shows up for you—not just in the highlight
reel moments, but in the quiet in-between, and especially on the days when
you’re not at your best. It’s the kind of love that says, “I see you fully—and
I’m not going anywhere.” Not in words alone, but in action. A promise made is a
promise lived out.
I’ve often thought that the truest form of
intimacy isn’t about the fireworks or even the daily routines. It’s about the
sacred weight of follow-through. The way someone still makes dinner when they
said they would, even though they had a long day. The way they keep showing up
when you feel like a mess. The way their “I love you” isn’t conditional on your
mood, your performance, or whether or not the dishwasher got unloaded.
At fifty years old, you’d think I’d have it
all figured out. But I don’t. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe relationships—true,
soul-bound, Christ-rooted relationships—aren’t meant to be fully figured out.
Maybe they’re meant to be stewarded. Nurtured. Grown. And if I’m honest, maybe
they’re meant to refine us too.
I’ve worn rose-colored glasses for most of my
life. Not because I’m naive, but because I choose to believe the best in
people. I choose hope. And most of the time, that outlook has served me well.
It’s helped me stay positive, keep moving forward, and create meaningful
relationships. But sometimes, when it comes to starting something new, those
same glasses blind me to the small cracks—the missed calls, the unkept
promises, the red flags I paint white with good intentions.
I want to believe people mean what they say. I
want to believe their actions will match their words. But hope without
discernment can be exhausting. Especially when you keep pouring into something
that never quite pours back.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this
way. In a world more connected than ever, why do so many of us feel more alone?
Why do we struggle to find the kind of love that holds us accountable, lifts us
up, and stays consistent through life’s mountaintops and valleys?
Maybe it’s because we’ve traded covenant for
convenience. Maybe we’ve lost the blueprint. So I turn, as I often do, back to
Jesus. The one who never fails. The one who was never afraid to follow
through—who showed love not only in sermons but in sweat, sacrifice, and the
cross.
Jesus didn’t just say “I love you.” He proved
it.
And in that example, I find three foundational
ways to build, strengthen, and steward intimate relationships:
1. Build on
Truth, Not Trends
“Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’;
anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” – Matthew 5:37
We live in a time where words are cheap.
Promises are thrown around like confetti. We say things to fill space, to avoid
conflict, or to feel important. But Jesus was clear—mean what you say and say
what you mean. Anything less invites confusion, instability, and ultimately,
pain.
When it comes to intimate relationships, truth
must be the foundation. Not the trendy Instagram version of truth where we
speak our “truth” regardless of how it lands on someone else. No—I’m talking
about biblical truth. Truth that loves. Truth that corrects. Truth that
commits.
I’ve learned the hard way that when the words
at the beginning of a relationship don’t match the follow-through, it causes a
crack in the foundation. A simple “I promise to call you back” or “I’ll be
there for that dinner” doesn’t seem like much. But when left unchecked, those
little breaks build resentment. Doubt creeps in. Insecurity festers.
To improve our intimate relationships, we must
start with truth. We must be honest with ourselves and our partner—not only
about our past and our dreams, but also about what we can realistically give.
And when we speak those words, we must back
them up. Even when we’re tired. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when we’d
rather not. That’s the cost of real love.
2. Serve
When It’s Hard
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay
down one’s life for one’s friends.” – John 15:13
There’s no romance movie about scrubbing the
floors, showing up for an emotional conversation after a long day, or waking up
at 3 a.m. because your partner had a nightmare. But that’s where the gold is.
That’s where real intimacy lives.
To me, a relationship is still giving—even
when I don’t feel like it. It’s follow-through not out of guilt, but out of
honor. It’s staying in the room when everything in you wants to storm out. It’s
being faithful in the mundane.
Jesus modeled this perfectly. He washed feet.
He fed the hungry. He healed the broken. Not just when it was convenient—but
especially when it wasn’t. And then, he laid down his life.
That’s what love looks like.
In our intimate relationships, we’re not
called to be martyrs—but we are called to serve. We’re called to choose love
daily, not based on how we feel in the moment, but on the covenant we’ve
chosen.
This doesn’t mean being a doormat. Boundaries
are godly. But it does mean being willing to inconvenience ourselves for the
sake of the other. That’s not weakness—that’s strength.
3. Build
with Intentional Words
“The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21
Words matter.
I’m not just talking about poetic love notes
or romantic texts—though those are great. I’m talking about the everyday,
simple, intentional words that either build a relationship or chip away at it.
Words like:
“I’m proud of you.”
“I’ve got your back.”
“I’ll pick up dinner tonight.”
“You’re not alone.”
“I’ll be there.”
Those are the bricks. And when they’re backed
up by actions, they become cement.
In my own life, I’ve realized how powerful it
is when someone simply affirms me on a tough day. Not with a solution—but with
presence. With reassurance. With steady, rooted love. That’s the kind of
relationship I want to be in—and the kind I want to offer.
Jesus used words to heal, to instruct, and to
uplift. And He also backed those words up with action. When He said, “I am the
way, the truth, and the life,” He didn’t just leave it there. He walked the
road to Calvary and proved it.
That’s the kind of love I’m after.
And Still, I Hope
Despite the cracks, the false starts, the
missed signals, and the heavy sighs—I still believe in love. I still believe in
the kind of relationship where you're seen, known, and safe. I still believe
there’s someone out there who will hold space for both your wins and your
wounds.
I don’t believe God gives us a longing He
doesn’t intend to fulfill. And if the desire to be loved well and to love well
still stirs in your heart, then keep hoping. Not blindly, but wisely. Let
discernment refine you—not harden you. Let past experiences teach you—not
define you.
And when you start again, as you will, start
with eyes wide open. Not just for chemistry, but for character. Not just for
butterflies, but for follow-through. And remember: the best relationships
aren’t found. They’re built.
With intention.
With truth.
With service.
With Christ.
A Final Thought
We live in the best of human
history—connected, resourced, equipped. And yet, intimacy still feels out of
reach for so many. Why?
Maybe because we’re searching in the wrong
places. Or maybe because we’ve confused being known online with being known in
person. But Jesus offers us a different model. One rooted in presence, promise,
and peace.
So if you’re longing for that elusive intimate
relationship, don’t give up. But do look up. Let the one who never fails be
your compass. And when He shows you someone who echoes His love—hold on, follow
through, and build something worthy of the longing.
After all, He’s already shown us how.
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