The Third Book The 16th Chapter - Growing Your Change

Maintaining Your Change

June 15, 2020

While you are moving in the direction you want to go, you are learning, growing, and feeling your momentum building. You begin sharing your experiences with friends and family. You also begin sharing some new ideas that you would like to accomplish that align with your new growth. You may feel a bit confused, not sure how to move forward with your new ideas because of the static that may be coming from your friends or social norms. This barrier is more significant than your wall of fear you have just crossed over.

Often, there is a barrier to growing your competence in your new life. It is easy to listen to others that provide caution and information that challenge your ability to push forward. With any new experience and growth, it is essential to gather insight and direction from others around you, but most importantly, you need to follow what is right for you. Most people around you will have your best interest at heart and will share what they think is best for you based on their experiences and lens of communication. If the information aligns with your growth, great; however, if the advice doesn't sit well with you, perhaps it’s advice you shouldn't follow.

I would like to share a story that happened not long ago, it was the ending of a beautiful relationship. With time, I realized I began the relationship in the wrong order. I followed what was most comfortable and convenient, but missed the essential part of really getting to know them. I realize now The Bible speaks of the importance of handling your intimate relationships in a specific order. Although I knew of this teaching, I didn't follow it, nor did I understand the importance of it. I rationalized that I'm a good person, I'm old enough, and it just made sense. I ignored that I needed to follow a tried and true method. I felt it would last forever because I had never previously experienced meeting a person so unique. However, I was wrong, and it didn't last. I know I can't go backwards in time to integrate what I've learned now and the importance of doing things correctly, but I can go forward with what I have learned.

How often after something has failed in your life, whether it is a relationship, a job, or a task, you wonder why it failed? As you process, you typically turn to experts and your ones closest to you. They often provide very valid technical information based upon your experience and how not to repeat the same failures. As you have grown through experiences, how often have you felt the need to do something different than the advice given to you? You may have felt confused as others have told you not to do what you think is right. This concept is so essential for your growth and not repeat the same mistakes, and you need to master it. Remember, as long as you act in kindness, love and sincerity, you must act on your feelings. The moment you stop making it about yourself and begin making it about somebody else is when Christ and the Holy Spirit are moving through you. If you can honestly tell yourself that this is in your truth, then move forward. As you move forward, whatever you are sharing was meant to be shared, and on the other side, someone will receive value from you operating from a place of love.

I felt the impact of this the first time over the last few weeks. I had been struggling with the thought that I needed to share my true feelings with my ex. As I read more on the subject, more often than not, the reference was not to go back and share, as it would impact my self-worth. As I struggled with this concept, I was given the gift of insight, and that came from my daughter. She suggested I had nothing to lose and I had no reason not to share my feelings. I realized she was right. She was right because it's how you share this information and is not about losing yourself; it is about finding yourself.

Traditionally we're taught never to go backwards and share with an ex the feelings we have. The explanation is that by doing this, you give away your power, which results in lowering your self-esteem. I've realized through the gift of Christ this is only true if you make it about you. The moment you remove the “me” in the scenario and truly make it about the other person, this sharing will empower you. When it comes from a place of love, it also provides value to the other person. Through the action of following in the perfect example of Christ, you can feel love, and others will feel the love of Christ flowing through you. This example is not about self-preservation. it is about is Salvation, and by doing this, you will be living and replicating the model given to us by Jesus.

I am so thankful for my daughter’s simple advice that made a difference; that made a difference to understand the love of Christ. It made me know it truly is not about me, and it truly is not about my power, but allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to be within my life. I knew my next step, even though it might end with rejection, hostility, and pain, I crossed my barrier. What I unfolded was a gift that keeps on giving, and I am so grateful I was able to share. I started with an apology for my actions followed by sharing my feelings, and I realized that is OK. After I shared, I didn't feel I lost anything of myself in reality, I feel I gained a friend. I think the foundational work that I should have taken in the beginning occurred in that moment. The beginning work in truly getting to know someone and realizing the value they are giving, I am giving back and realizing that it is appreciated. 

That is a secret of a foundation that all relationships require and knowing there is momentum building in you life. Are you listening and communicating in a respectful meaningful way just in the same way Christ has modelled for us? All of what we need is right in front of us as soon as we get rid of that little word “me”.  

The Third Book The 15th Chapter - Discover Your Change

Discover Your Change

June 14, 2020

So, you have identified what you want to do in your life to live more fully. You've identified how and why you want to make changes. You are now taking baby steps and taking action. Now what? This is a brand new journey for you. Do you know if the “how, what, and why” the gift you have identified within yourself is truly making any difference?

I would like to share a story of my journey that started about three years ago when I wrote my first book. The “how” of how I wrote my first book and format remained similar as I wrote the following two books. Until this book, I knew my technical writing ability was novice. In the past, I had overlooked that because it was always something I truly wanted to do and truly wanted to share with others. I remember the first chapter I wrote was hardly a page and I had nothing more to write.  As I thought about this, I asked myself, “How am I supposed to fill all the empty pages of this book”? The strategy I developed was a simple goal to fill two pages at a time. By doing that, I was able to finish my first book called “Climb Your Mountain”.

I remember a sense of accomplishment, but also knew I could do so much better. How do you become better, you may ask? Practice, practice, practice, practice all with the foundation that is based on truth and integrity. Identify what you need to do to improve and listen to the feedback others provide. This is a slow process, but picture yourself gathering little golden Nuggets scattered through the years of your life. Meltdown and combine these little golden Nuggets that will allow you to provide the currency to grow your accomplishments. One of these small golden Nuggets was a story told by John Maxwell. He shared that his first book was made up of many short chapters and the reason it was made like that was that he had nothing more to give. He didn't know how to write; he didn't know how to make words flow; he didn't know how to make a complex idea sound easy and straightforward for the reader.

When I first started to write, I allowed myself to fool myself, saying that I strategically chose short chapters to engage new readers. I rationalized that people are often too busy to devote three to four hours a day to read a book and if they had three to five minutes, they could read one of my chapters. I now realize this was a lie I told myself in order to justify my short chapters. I would have been much better off at the time just to tell the truth. The truth was I didn't know what to write. The truth I was feeling overwhelmed. The truth I was feeling insecure. The truth that I wanted everybody to know I knew what I was doing. Unfortunately, in reality, I didn't. I did believe at the time I was doing my best and I did feel there was value in what I was writing, but it would have been better if I had just told the truth at the time. Wayne Gretzky didn't become a superstar in one day at the age of 18. He spent years of his life in the preparation of becoming one of the youngest professional hockey players. Once he got there, he didn't stop. He kept practicing, growing, and giving to others. Those actions combined, allowed him to become one of the all-time greatest professional hockey players. How often when we start something new, do we have an unrealistic expectation about the technical level we should achieve? How often do you lie to yourself that impacts how quickly you are able to grow?

My journey changed when I hit rock bottom. We all have different experiences when we hit rock bottom, but the impact is tremendous to each of us. My experience was after years of building a successful leadership career, I ran out of work. I was surrounded, and I'm still surrounded by an amazing, loving family, but my career had run out of steam. I had searched, applied, and refined my resume but did not receive one call back for a formal interview. I had spent hours and hours trying to move forward, but not one opportunity. I remember the warm day, last August, when I broke as if it only happened a few moments ago. I remember a sense of desperation, despair, low self-esteem, and a sense of utter uselessness. Quickly, that was replaced by a wave of anger that I had never previously felt. Questioning, “Why am I going through this experience? What have I done to deserve this experience? Haven't I worked hard enough to grow my skillset? Haven't I worked hard enough to raise my kids? Haven't I worked hard enough to provide value to others? So now, when I need the opportunity the most, how come I cannot catch a break?” I realized at that moment, I had to change. I had to do something different. I had to find a different way to build my strength.

I remember riding home that day in silence with the full realization I had a gift to change my life. It was sitting in front of me the entire time; the gift of a relationship with Christ. That gift was provided to me by my great friend and spiritual mentor, Mark. I had met Mark about 2 1/2 years ago at a John Maxwell training seminar. Since then, we have become close friends, and he has been coaching me for a year and a half now. He gave his gift freely many times, intending to serve me and for me to become a believer of Christ. There have been many occasions I have felt God speak directly to me through the words of Mark. It happened again the first time I spoke with him after hitting my rock bottom, and he asked me if I was ready. With tears in my eyes, I said yes, and he formally asked me to give my life to Christ. At first, I felt a little uncomfortable, followed quickly by this is the right thing to do, but I had no idea how to do it and how to measure it. I thought, “What do I do now? How do I go forward? How do I put this gift in my life to benefit others? How do I show others this is something different, this is something lasting?” I had this conversation with Mark on many occasions, now that I have this gift of Christ, what now? Once I allowed myself to let go of my ego, once I allowed myself to believe I didn't know how to do it on my own, it was OK. Once I allowed myself to believe in faith and that things would happen when they were meant to happen, things began to change.

Once I realized to turn to everlasting life, the momentum started to grow. So how do you know and how do you measure your change? Here is another story. For the first 2 1/2 years of my writing, once I posted it to my blog, I would share it with others. I would see a small number of views on my blog after I shared with others, but shortly after that, it would fizzle. Once in a while, there might have been a random view but overall, the pattern was the only time there was an increase in views was when I would actively push the blog. My thoughts went back to the story of Jesus and the woman at the well. Daily, I had to go back to the well to create hits to my blog; although that worked, it was very time consuming and not very sustaining. Then I recognized a change in this pattern once I started writing again after I found Christ. I still share new posts with family and friends, but things have shifted. I have noticed views are growing, not only on the day I post, but also on the following days. As I have watched this change occur, I have been fascinated; I don’t actively push the blog, and I asked myself, “why do I see new views?” Then I realized, the spirit is providing the momentum shift. The spirit is doing more than what I am able to do alone. There is a measure of change to my “how” and my “what” and that my “why's” are coming together one nugget at a time and beginning to move the momentum needle.

When you have hit your rock bottom and start moving your life to where you need to be, small changes begin to happen. Once you have discovered your change, you become more aware of where you need to be. You realize the first few steps, after pushing through your barrier fear, are in alignment with your goals. Then if you want to supersize your vision, add in the most powerful ingredient, that is Christ. Only then, will you see and feel how your change becomes more prominent than you are. This change will provide you with the strength that you have used to have to contribute to yourself. It will allow you to move faster and enable you to help others. You will be in awe. The discovery of change will allow you to move forward no matter the obstacle you face, no matter what social media barrage you may face. It will allow you to sift through the garbage, identify the truth, and see the golden Nuggets before you.

Now, more than before, and depending on where you are on your journey, is the time you need to make that conviction. Have you hit rock bottom? Have you started to make some changes? Have you started to discover some of those changes have moved your momentum? Right now, think of someone that is your “Mark” and I guarantee you this person is patiently waiting to give you the gift. It doesn't matter what you went through in the past, it only matters right now, and you are worthy of this gift of everlasting love.     

The Third Book The 14th Chapter - My Mesa

My Mesa

June 12, 2020

In the last chapter, the theme was removing fear barriers in order to receive your gifts of life and provide value to others. The small decisions you make can lead to moments that are greater than yourself. Your greatness happens through building your momentum, "the mighty mo", as referred to by John Maxwell. When you initially put your plans into action, a small speed bump can stop you. However, by continuing to make decisions that add to your life's work, with momentum, you can overcome significant life obstacles. Remaining still, you will not gain the momentum needed to overcome them.

I will share a story about how fear held me back for many years and how it changed my life once I conquered it. Over the last 15 years, I have been blessed with a few incredible life and business mentors. One is my great friend and mentor, Joe P. Joe P and his wife have a 2^nd home in Mesa AZ they enjoy as a getaway from the cold winter months in Western Canada.

As our relationship developed over several years, Joe invited me numerous times to visit in Mesa. I politely declined, as I was fearful that if I visited, I might have overstayed my welcome. I was afraid that I would lose an incredible friend and mentor. As the years passed, I finally realized someday Joe might stop inviting me. The opportunity would be closed, and even though I might still have a friend, the gifts of what may lay in Mesa would never be discovered.

On a cold winter day, I reached out to Joe and asked if they were open to me making a visit. His immediate response was, "absolutely, and we can't wait to see you, pal." Fast-forward a few months; I was on my way to Mesa. As the trip was approaching, I was nervous about how the visit would go, yet excited about the adventures that lay ahead.

One of the gifts I experienced, I hadn't anticipated when I walked through Joe's front door. Have you ever had a meeting or an experience that you knew was significant, but didn't realize it's meaning at the time? The only thing you did know was that something out of the ordinary had just occurred. As I met the other people in the room, one stood out from the rest, and that was Melanie. During the time I stayed, the group of newfound friends and I enjoyed many conversations full of sharing, laughter, and each other's company.

A few months prior to the visit, my first book had been published. I knew I needed an editor to help polish the words I had put on paper.  As time went on, it became more apparent that I needed an editor, as I was aware I was missing a vital piece of the team. I knew from my business career the importance of having team support, and without it, it was challenging to experience success and accomplishments.

Over a three-year period, I had searched for an editor but was never able to find the right person. In August, I gave my life to Christ and resumed a relationship that I had ignored for my adult life. It during that time that my writing began conveying the message of Christ to continue providing value to others. When I wrote the 12th chapter of this book, the thought came to me to share it with Melanie. However, I ignored the thought and didn't act upon it because of fear of rejection, and once again, the possibility of losing a good friend. I was afraid the quality of my work, combined with a spiritual-based tone, would create a response of nonacceptance.

As time went on, I still felt I needed to share the 12^th chapter. So one afternoon, I drummed up the courage and asked Melanie if she would read a short section on my current book. She agreed and responded shortly after sharing her opinion; this was good. The next thing that happened I couldn't believe and I was utterly shocked. Without me asking, she provided several edits to my work that made it easier to read and much better than the raw copy I had sent. The gift that was flowing before my eyes was incredible, and I had no idea that would have been the outcome of sharing chapter 12.

It was in that moment I realized I found my editor. It was in that moment I realized if I hadn't taken that first step over three years prior to visit Mesa, I would not have found my editor. The next big hurdle was asking Melanie if she would become an editor for my book. Initially, I assumed she would decline, as she is a very successful businesswoman and wouldn't have time to devote to such an undertaking. Once again, I was surprised by her response, "I have always wanted to be an editor." Remember when I noted that once you conquer your fears, not only will you receive the value of your accomplishments, but usually someone else does too. A gift was given to both of us that could not have been foreseen many years earlier when I had initially declined the invitation to visit Mesa AZ. I realized a pattern of accomplishment could not be achieved alone. It truly takes multiple people aligning, working together and sharing a vision of achievement.

I have realized if you want to supersize your accomplishments, allow Christ to be the one partner you never go without. Since I have allowed myself to get closer to Christ, I have felt my accomplishments and value to others grow at a higher level than ever before. One of the greatest gifts I have been able to realize at a higher level is the gift of my family and the moments we share. Christ will allow you to build strength that you wouldn't have on your own. Christ will allow you to take that first step to build your momentum and confidence so you can achieve more than ever before.

The Third Book The 13th Chapter - The "GosPill"

The Gos"Pill"

June 11, 2020

Have you ever wanted to be like someone famous? Have you ever had an idea that was in alignment with your passion and wanted to change your life? Did you act and change your life to be like someone you admire, or did you implement your new idea to pursue your passion? Now take a moment and think about this question and ask yourself why didn't you move your gift forward?

I'm going to write about fear and how fear limits our ability to live life fully and receive life's unconditional gifts. I have experienced first hand the accomplishment of pushing through my self-imposed barrier of fear and realized the reward is always waiting on the other side of that barrier. The gifts you receive by driving through your boundary of fear exceed your wildest imagination and provide value to you and, usually, someone else. I found more strength, knowing that I can provide value to someone else by pushing through my barriers and gaining confidence. I am going to share a recent life experience to illustrate the importance of getting out of your comfort zone.

Just a few days ago, I met a fantastic couple by the names of Deb and Glenn. Through my work, I have the opportunity to meet a lot of people. On that day, I was going to meet Deb and Glenn for the first time in person. I didn't have any expectation about how the meeting would go. As I knocked on the door, and the door opened, I felt an overwhelming sense of warmth, comfort, kindness, and love. As I remember in that moment, tears filled my eyes in reaction to the impact their passion for all Christ's people had on me.

We began talking about current events, weather etc. Then quickly, the conversation changed as Deb posed a question. She asked me if I would be able to have eternal Salvation and a relationship with Christ forever. I replied, "absolutely!" She immediately handed me a small pill. The top of the pill was white, the bottom was blue, and across was a sticker that read "Gospill." They shared the fact that they were starting a ministry based upon the teachings of Christ with a vision to share those teachings with everyone who would listen. They were in the process of selling all unnecessary worldly possessions, including their home. They had a goal of having everything sold within three months after which, they would hit the road sharing the Gospel of Christ. In that moment, I immediately wanted to open the pill to see what was inside. However, I chose to wait, as I was fearful of ignoring my beautiful hosts.

Later in our visit, I asked permission to open the pill, which they allowed. Inside was a scroll. It was rolled in a way you may envision an ancient biblical scroll that had been rolled for safe storage. As it was written, it began with The A.B.C. Salvation message. "A" to "admit or acknowledge" that I am a Sinner. "B" to "believe" in my heart that Jesus died, and God raised Him from the dead. "C" to "call upon" the name of the Lord or "confess" with my mouth Jesus Christ is Lord. By following the A.B.C.'s of Salvation, one is able to enter into everlasting life and enjoy all the gifts that are freely awaiting all of us to experience through Christ.

I pause again as I remember that experience and Deb and Glenn's passion for genuinely helping others. To experience true love without condition, without judgment, without expectation is truly a gift. What we are experiencing in our daily life broadcasted through our mainstream media is entirely the opposite of what I experienced in that moment. It was an experience of genuinely uplifting another human through truth, not pushing one down. Though it lasted nearly 2 hours, it only seemed like minutes. Not only did they share their vision, but also personal stories about their lives, stories of triumph, stories of struggle, yet now they have a love that they are sharing with others. As I was leaving, I asked them if there was anything I could do to help serve them on their quest. 

As I went home and finished my day, I was so moved that I felt a need to write about it. Early the next morning, I asked permission to share the story and their names. I hope that these few words will help them in their transition. As I wrote about the experience, I was moved to tears, very similar to my first meeting Deb and Glenn.

The white and blue pill is now sitting on my desk beside my John Maxwell leadership Bible, and every time I sit down, I look at it and remember the gift I was given on that June day.