Maintaining Your Change
June 15,
2020
While you are
moving in the direction you want to go, you are learning, growing, and feeling
your momentum building. You begin sharing your experiences with friends and
family. You also begin sharing some new ideas that you would like to accomplish
that align with your new growth. You may feel a bit confused, not sure how to
move forward with your new ideas because of the static that may be coming from
your friends or social norms. This barrier is more significant than your wall of
fear you have just crossed over.
Often, there
is a barrier to growing your competence in your new life. It is easy to listen
to others that provide caution and information that challenge your ability to
push forward. With any new experience and growth, it is essential to gather insight
and direction from others around you, but most importantly, you need to follow
what is right for you. Most people around you will have your best interest at
heart and will share what they think is best for you based on their experiences
and lens of communication. If the information aligns with your growth, great; however,
if the advice doesn't sit well with you, perhaps it’s advice you shouldn't
follow.
I would like
to share a story that happened not long ago, it was the ending of a beautiful
relationship. With time, I realized I began the relationship in the wrong
order. I followed what was most comfortable and convenient, but missed the essential
part of really getting to know them. I realize now The Bible speaks of the
importance of handling your intimate relationships in a specific order.
Although I knew of this teaching, I didn't follow it, nor did I understand the
importance of it. I rationalized that I'm a good person, I'm old enough, and it
just made sense. I ignored that I needed to follow a tried and true method. I
felt it would last forever because I had never previously experienced meeting a
person so unique. However, I was wrong, and it didn't last. I know I can't go backwards
in time to integrate what I've learned now and the importance of doing things correctly,
but I can go forward with what I have learned.
How often
after something has failed in your life, whether it is a relationship, a job, or
a task, you wonder why it failed? As you process, you typically turn to experts
and your ones closest to you. They often provide very valid technical
information based upon your experience and how not to repeat the same failures.
As you have grown through experiences, how often have you felt the need to do
something different than the advice given to you? You may have felt confused as
others have told you not to do what you think is right. This concept is so essential
for your growth and not repeat the same mistakes, and you need to master it.
Remember, as long as you act in kindness, love and sincerity, you must act on
your feelings. The moment you stop making it about yourself and begin making it
about somebody else is when Christ and the Holy Spirit are moving through you.
If you can honestly tell yourself that this is in your truth, then move
forward. As you move forward, whatever you are sharing was meant to be shared,
and on the other side, someone will receive value from you operating from a
place of love.
I felt the
impact of this the first time over the last few weeks. I had been struggling
with the thought that I needed to share my true feelings with my ex. As I read
more on the subject, more often than not, the reference was not to go back and share,
as it would impact my self-worth. As I struggled with this concept, I was given
the gift of insight, and that came from my daughter. She suggested I had
nothing to lose and I had no reason not to share my feelings. I realized she
was right. She was right because it's how you share this information and is not
about losing yourself; it is about finding yourself.
Traditionally
we're taught never to go backwards and share with an ex the feelings we have.
The explanation is that by doing this, you give away your power, which results in
lowering your self-esteem. I've realized through the gift of Christ this is
only true if you make it about you. The moment you remove the “me” in the
scenario and truly make it about the other person, this sharing will empower
you. When it comes from a place of love, it also provides value to the other
person. Through the action of following in the perfect example of Christ, you
can feel love, and others will feel the love of Christ flowing through you.
This example is not about self-preservation. it is about is Salvation, and by
doing this, you will be living and replicating the model given to us by Jesus.
I am so
thankful for my daughter’s simple advice that made a difference; that made a
difference to understand the love of Christ. It made me know it truly is not
about me, and it truly is not about my power, but allowing the power of the
Holy Spirit to be within my life. I knew my next step, even though it might end
with rejection, hostility, and pain, I crossed my barrier. What I unfolded was
a gift that keeps on giving, and I am so grateful I was able to share. I
started with an apology for my actions followed by sharing my feelings, and I
realized that is OK. After I shared, I didn't feel I lost anything of myself in
reality, I feel I gained a friend. I think the foundational work that I should
have taken in the beginning occurred in that moment. The beginning work in
truly getting to know someone and realizing the value they are giving, I am
giving back and realizing that it is appreciated.
That is a secret of a
foundation that all relationships require and knowing there is momentum
building in you life. Are you listening and communicating in a respectful
meaningful way just in the same way Christ has modelled for us? All of what we
need is right in front of us as soon as we get rid of that little word “me”.
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