The Third Book - The 19th Chapter - Build Your Faith

Build Your Faith

July 18, 2020

When you begin experiencing growth and accomplishments, it’s important to keep the momentum going. Continued growth requires energy to maintain continued accomplishments.

Though sometimes difficult to maintain daily, strength may be gained through visualization. Measuring each of your decisions against the value they will bring to your life takes discipline.  It can be easy to indulge in self-serving decisions seeking instant gratification that may only keep you in the negative patterns of your past. It is much harder to make decisions that are long-lasting if you do not see instant results. It takes self-sacrifice to others and yourself. As you maintain the path of making challenging decisions that maximize your value, it will become easier as well as your exponential growth. When we make decisions that are quick and impulsive in order to achieve an immediate sense of gratification it is always linear in effect and the benefit always fades away. With the long-term decision-making, the growth is unlimited. It is only limited by ones fears and demons that are negative in nature. Faced with thousands of decisions a day, the hard part is to have the discipline and strength always to stay the course and add to your quest. It is a simple concept but can be very difficult to carry out consistently.

Growing strength may also be achieved through faith. Faith can be more challenging to visualize and realize. It requires that ones ego is secondary to achieving the gift of faith that is all around us. Christ is always providing us with what we need when we need it. We just have to recognize it. Through my mentor, I have realized how blessed I have been. I have met many people who have shared stories with me that have given me the gift of faith. It has given me the gift of knowing I am living my life in accordance with serving God.  It is through their stories that I can recognize His love that provides me with a vision that I am on the right track and gives me the strength to keep building my momentum.

In restoring my faith, I have reflected upon recent experiences. Last summer, when I felt lost and I depressed, I was drinking too much.  At the time, I was working at a safe injection site. I had been reflecting upon my place in life. I felt a lot of self-pity. However, I was able to meet many beautiful people, who were also feeling lost, and we were able to form friendships. It is often easy to look down upon people who are facing addictions. However, I was able to relate to each person’s story.  I also recognized that each person has a gift even though they may not recognize it within themselves. What I have learned is that people try to live their best life. I realized I had more in common with them and that our addictions had different levels of control over each of us.

Recently, my daughter and I went on a road trip. As we were entering the highway, a young man was standing with a sign and begging for money. Quickly my daughter gave him 2 $5 bills and we pulled away. My daughter asked me what I thought about her giving money to this young man. I anticipated she thought I might criticize her for wasting her money. I let her know that she had just taught me a lesson to freely give to someone else that is under the table. My daughter gave freely without knowing the intention of how the money would be spent. I also let her know that I know the young man and he's a good person who was just in a terrible place in his life. The $10 my daughter gave may or may not have saved this man's life, but it helped get him closer to changing his life. I thought it was a great example of what Christ would do. He would freely give love out of kindness, compassion and without expectation. Growing momentum and strength through faith allows for exponential growth.

   

Days later, while traveling to a business meeting at a local coffee shop, I saw an older man asking for money. At the time, I was late for my meeting and I didn't want the person to wait any longer. I vowed to myself if the older man were standing there when I left, I would give him money. During my meeting, the other person shared they had lost their husband the previous year.  She shared the focus of missing her husband was more than loving God. With this focus, she realized she wasn’t fully living her life. She knew in time she would once again be with her husband, but in the meantime the center had to be on loving God. Her belief caused her spirit to soften and she was able to provide the strength that someone needed in her life. Without her gift of strength, she likely would have lost the other person. In only one month from when she decided to serve and focus on God, she was able to save a life. The multiplying effect of that action has spilled into many lives and has allowed a child to know his mother longer and allowed a husband to know his wife longer.

Sometimes people ask how long it takes to change. Once you see your truth and feel the love of Christ, it only takes one breath to change your life and countless others around you. The gift given to me was providing me with more faith and the quiet confidence in knowing I am growing my relationship with Christ. I know I am living a life obedient to the Will of God. I have realized God doesn't want anything from us. He truly wants us to live a life full of love and to share that with others.

As I was leaving the coffee shop, the old man was still standing in the middle of the entryway. As I pulled up to the old man, I said hi, asked how he was doing, and gave him $20. After I gave him the money, I could see appreciation in his eyes. He kissed the bill and he put it in his pocket. At first, I thought that his display of emotion was solely about the money. However, I realized he saw the kindness in my eyes towards him. I realized he felt I valued him as a person, as someone who mattered. In that brief moment, he gave me more than I had given him. A lot of people may live a life that is based upon a foundation of lies instead of value. Acceptance and faith go hand in hand. In order to grow our faith, we need to accept ourselves and accept what God wants in our lives. Through acceptance, we can fully begin to live our lives through knowing our truths and begin building our strength in order to achieve exponential momentum.

How secure is your faith? In the last week, how many examples have you experienced that Christ has given you to grow your faith? Have you used the experiences to not only grow your faith but to share it with someone else in a way that exhibits the love of Christ? Whether you have or haven’t, what is your next step? The journey of life may be difficult, but the pattern of hard work replicates with hard work. I have experienced exponential growth and momentum in my faith. My prayer is that you can also feel it happen in your life and are able to share it with others. You can truly make a difference when you least expect it.      

The Third Book The 18th Chapter - Contain Your Demon

Contain your Demon

July 10, 2020

Have you ever experienced a moment of flow and accomplishment?  You work so hard and achieve so much, but life throws you a curveball.  Perhaps something you never anticipated and something so powerfully personal that you feel emotions and distress about your demons returning.  You remember that you have worked so hard for all you have accomplished, but now have to work even harder to control your demons. Your sense of pain may have you reverting back to what used to numb it. The pain may seem unbearable leaving you wonder if you will have the strength to contain your demons. I have an experience to share, which may help you realize you have the power to contain your demons and continue to become stronger.

Do you have faith in the Spirit of Christ in order to allow that spirit to work within you?  My story begins with my daughter. At 17, she became pregnant with my beautiful granddaughter. During that time, I could only imagine how she may have been overwhelmed by the magnitude of what she had learned and how she and her fiancé’s lives had instantly changed forever. She was fortunate enough to have discovered a faith-based nonprofit organization. The organization was established to help young parents prepare for the unknown. My daughter and her fiancé ended up getting through a challenging time and now my little grandbaby is nearly two years old. Recently, the organization requested my daughter and her fiancé record a video of their experience and share the emotions they encountered as they navigated their pregnancy. They had considered an abortion, but quickly realized that through the support of this organization, they didn't need to choose that option. When my daughter was first asked to record the video, she didn’t feel comfortable. Our family encouraged her to share her precious story, as it may change another’s life forever.  A few weeks ago, the video was recorded and recently aired.  It did change someone’s life.

Not long ago, a relationship ended for me that had been a very painful and uncomfortable to process. There was a brief moment in time when the relationship ended that some communication occurred. A moment in time, I will never forget, as the offer was phone number to a therapist. At the time, I didn't realize the significance of that gift until today. As I began working on my issues with my therapist, a key take away was the importance of lowering my anxiety. I have been diagnosed with anticipatory anxiety.  A way to control this anxiety is through various breathing techniques and strategies. Just before my daughter’s video aired, I was struggling with the feeling of pain, sense of loss, and feeling of confusion. I haven’t been able to piece together the puzzle as to why this has all occurred. For the first time, I was fighting to process my feelings and my demons were coming to the surface. My demons wanted me to drink again so that I didn't have to feel the pain. Implementing the new breathing strategies, I was able to control my anticipatory anxiety and recognized what was happening and had the strength not turn to alcohol. I was able to deal with the moment, though challenging. I had wondered how I would push through and not return to patterns that did not add value to my life. Our demons don’t go away after our first steps of embracing Christ, but with his strength, we can make choices so we do not repeat.

I realized this morning if I wasn't given the gift of my new therapist, my anxiety would've got out of control, and I would resort to drinking. The self-control of my anxiety allowed me to welcome the presence of Christ.  His spirit provides me strength to not repeat past troubles. I have realized, in so many ways that as you follow the path laid out for you and you embrace Christ, there are small moments in your Life that help you conquer the most critical moments. Without the gift of my therapist, I know I would not be sharing my story now.

As I was able to pull myself out of the awful feeling of depression angst of a relapse, I was able to prepare for the video presentation of my daughter, her fiancé and my granddaughter. I shared it on Facebook live.  After the presentation was completed, I received a text from a friend, who just happened to be viewing, that shared with me the value of the presentation. I gave him a call, and as we talked about the video, I realized it had changed his life forever.  I realized the importance of my daughter sharing her story. My friend has made the choice to take his first step, and he's made the choice to embrace the spirit of Christ.

How do you measure the significance of one small act that leads to something that is a God-like experience? All the small stories put together of choices that many individuals had to make and obstacles had to be conquered that lead to my friend’s experience. If my daughter didn't share her story and didn't push through her fear, the moment wouldn't have happened. If my relationship past didn't share with me my therapist, I wouldn't have had the strength not to drink and I wouldn't have been filled with the spirit of Christ. With the absence of the Spirit in my life, I wouldn't have shared the video on Facebook, and my friend may not have embraced Christ.

All of your actions determine where we will go and how we will experience life. God is a loving God.  He only wants the best, but it's up to us to make the choices in our lives that empower us. After I spoke to my friend, I was so excited I texted my mentor. The mentor who, on November 4, invited me to give my life to Christ, as I cautiously accepted and nervously took my first step. I was so excited because I was able to take what I learned from him and pass it on to my friend.  With our conversation, his Life is now changed forever. My mentor and I know that it wasn’t us that have changed someone’s life, but the Spirit working through us. All the glory of this Life changing event has to go to where it came from, it’s origin and that is God.

As my mentor and I talked and I shared the beautiful experience, he asked if my ex-girlfriend had the spirit of Christ. My feeling was not at this time. He asked if I would be open to praying for her and her salvation and for her to find and allow the Spirit of Christ to work within her. As he led the prayer, I began to feel strong emotions.  Three times my brain wanted to reject my emotions. My brain didn't want to deal with them.  I knew for me to grow and to grow my connection with Christ, I had to let these feelings exist within me. As my emotions grew, I had a quickness of breath and a shedding of tears as I was filled with the Spirit of Christ. I had the realization of the sacrifice of Christ sacrificing His life for me; I felt the significance of his sacrifice.  I could feel His love flow through me. I knew, in that moment, that I had to give my life just as Jesus did for me. He was put on this earth to save all of us.  He was put on this earth as an example of how to live our lives. We were put on this earth to embrace this gift. Through this gift, we are able to fully live and experience life.  We are able to fully understand the sacrifice that was given to us. Once I had this realization and awareness, I knew I had to pay it forward by giving love and kindness to everyone that has been in my life.

As time has passed, with the new skills I now have in my life, I realize that today is better than yesterday, I realize tomorrow will be better than today.  I realize it is about one step at a time. It is one step at a time to embrace this life, one step at a time to love others, and one step at a time to share this amazing gift.  The amazing gift grows daily.  You never know the value it will give someone else. Have the faith to believe this gift was given to you. This gift has no conditions and is always waiting and ready when you are. It is long lasting and will not let you down.  It will not hurt you, and if you allow your faith to grow, your positive qualities will be magnified through the Spirit of Christ.      

The Third Book The 17th Chapter - Demon of Change

                           Demon of Change

July 4, 2020

Once you identify your “whys”, you can begin implementing change towards a healthier and more positive mindset. Have you determined what triggered past choices that didn't serve your growth and development? Evaluating your triggers is just as important as your growth. It is important you understand the trauma that you went through before your rebirth. Usually, this trauma triggers you to make thoughtless choices. You may find after a contrary decision has been made, you're filled with regret, confusion, and a general feeling of “that wasn't me”, but yet it had happened. As this negative cycle becomes part of your past, sometimes a reminder from someone else may provide that little nudge so you can also turn your life around.

Do you have a story that should be told so that others can learn and grow from your experience?  However, feel that sharing your story is hard and that hiding from shame is easier. This is my story, as I have shared and grown, I have helped others through my writing. It is a story I didn't want to share, but as I thought about it, felt the need to share.

Have you ever heard about the local mechanic that makes sure that everyone else's car is running correctly, but his isn’t? Something as subtle as making sure everyone ‘s car is functioning correctly while neglecting their own is paramount. As I was writing words on paper, they came from a place of kindness, love and support. Through those words though, I was hiding a secret.  My secret was that I had spent many years as a highly functioning alcoholic.

I genuinely put in the effort to help others, but for years forgot to help and myself. My car was broken, and as I tried to function, I fooled myself into believing I didn't have a problem. I would put my all into everything I did, including drinking alcohol. I thought it was controlled, and it was hidden, but it controlled me. I had a successful career, a loving family and what appeared to be a seemingly perfect life. On Father's Day, I realized for the first time in years as I cooked for my family the value of not drinking. I felt a sense of connection with my family and the clarity of the day I hadn’t previously experienced. Fast-forward to June 24 after an extensive amount of realization, I made a decision to not drink alcohol again. 

My daughter had mentioned a few times she was concerned about my drinking. However, I rationalized that I didn't drink and drive, I always got my work done, and my family was healthy, so I didn't have a problem. As I thought about it more, I began to realize that the many impulsive choices and actions that I made while I was drinking never served to provide value to others or myself around me. The drinking pushed people away, causing me more pain resulting in drinking even more. All the while on the surface, I pretended I was in control and didn't have a problem. Even though I knew I was making positive changes in my life and becoming a better person, the alcohol was slowing down this process and kept my mind in a fog.

After Father's Day, I was once again alone with a clear head. I realized for me to actualize the value of the changes and begin to build upon them, I had to make one more change. With clarity, I knew my next step on my continued growth and my continued relationship with Christ; I had to stop abusing alcohol.

On June 24, I did. I have since felt I couldn't share in writing until this morning. I was speaking with my mentor and shared that I thought “my car was broken” and I needed to repair it before I started to share again. He asked me why I wouldn’t share my story.  In a moment, my mind changed and realized I had to share this painful experience that I hid for so long.

As each day passes, sometimes it is challenging to honour my commitment, but when times are challenging, I remember the benefits I have already received in the short time since this positive choice. Something as simple as being able to walk soberly to board an airplane, not pretending to be sober. Something as simple as enjoying a lunch conversation at a level of connection that it wasn’t possible under the fog of alcohol. Something as simple as being in the moment and realizing the positive changes I have made is more valuable recognizing them “when”, not “after” they happen.

Whatever you strive for in your life, your desired outcome is set into motion with the decisions you make in every second. If these millions of timely decisions are not in alignment with your desired outcome and your passion for your life, you'll never arrive at your destination of success. You might want to blame others for your lack of progress or talk yourself into denial like I had, but for valuable change to occur in your life, you need to ask yourself honest questions. If you haven't completed flushing out your demons, your choices will then make it nearly impossible to enjoy life fully and live in the moment. We were given a life of free will and a life that is up to us to live with abundance, love, and kindness. All we have to do is make each decision count to where our happiness lies.

Trust me, one of the most challenging decisions you will make is to conquer your demons and make the decision they will no longer control your life. Once that happens, the changes you have made will magnify and you will gain strength. You will also feel uncomfortable. Embrace this feeling because once you feel it, you will know you are changing and growing. If you haven't already experienced it, you will feel a better sense of satisfaction in your life. It is so worth the hard work and dedication you are putting in to repair yourself.

I am so grateful that my kids and family didn't give up on me. I have realized they believed in me the entire time. So if you feel stuck and you haven’t reached the uncomfortable feeling of growth, pause for a moment and listen. Listen to the words of someone that cares about you as they're speaking your truth. Embrace that gift, build your momentum, and never look back.