Connection vs. Competition
Point.
Pause. Proceed.
Point: When
Hope Meets Disappointment
For those of you who know me, you’ll know I’ve
been single for a while now. And for those who don’t—well, here’s the truth:
I’ve prayed more times than I can count for a dually yoked partner, one
who would walk beside me, not ahead or behind, but in alignment with God’s plan
for both of us.
It hasn’t happened yet.
There’s no bitterness in that statement, just
honesty. Because for a long time, I believed if I prayed enough, prepared
enough, and stayed faithful enough, God would eventually say, “Now is the
time.” But every time I’ve gone into a first meeting—not even a date, but a
hopeful conversation—with a Christian woman, that hope turns quickly into
disappointment.
Not because anyone did anything wrong. It’s
not about blame. It’s about energy—the invisible current of how God
designed us to relate to one another. For years, I couldn’t find the words to
describe what felt “off.”
Until recently.
The
Caribbean Lesson
A few months ago, I was blessed to visit a
Caribbean country. The kind of place that could be on a postcard—crystal water,
warm people, colours so vivid they seemed painted by the Creator Himself.
The trip was rest for my body but a revelation
for my spirit.
I met a few single women from that country and
nearby islands. Nothing romantic happened—just conversations. But the feeling
was profoundly different. There was a natural flow. No posturing. No
power struggle. Just mutual respect.
She was fully in her feminine energy—graceful,
confident, nurturing. I was in my masculine energy—present, strong, at
peace. For once, we weren’t competing. We were connecting.
And I’ll be honest—it felt like heaven touched
earth for a moment.
When I returned home, I told my mom about the
experience, and she listened carefully, as moms do. After a pause, she said one
line that hit me like divine truth:
“Connection versus competition.”
That phrase became the key I didn’t know I was
missing.
Where We
Went Wrong
Our Western culture has been busy
rewriting the script of God’s design. We’ve blurred the beautiful distinctions
between men and women, calling sameness equality and losing sight of divine complementarity.
Now, before anyone jumps to conclusions—this
isn’t about one being “better” than the other. This is about design.
When we ignore God’s blueprints, we shouldn’t be surprised when the house
collapses.
Look around—how are we doing in marriage, in
dating, in family unity?
We’re missing the mark.
What God designed for connection has become a
battlefield of competition. Many men feel unnecessary; many women feel unsafe.
And both are longing for something their souls remember but their minds can’t
quite name: the harmony of Eden.
Pause:
Returning to God’s Design
Let’s pause and open the Word, because clarity
doesn’t come from culture—it comes from Christ.
1. The Original Connection: Adam and Eve
In Genesis 2:18 (NIV), the Lord God said,
“It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him.”
That verse isn’t about hierarchy. It’s about
harmony. The Hebrew word for helper—ezer—is the same word used
for God Himself when He rescues Israel. It means powerful ally, not assistant.
Adam didn’t need competition. He needed
connection—someone to complement his design, not contend with it.
When Eve was formed from his rib, not his head
or his feet, it was symbolic. They were to walk side by side, equal in
value, different in purpose.
That’s divine balance.
2. The Fall and the Fight
After sin entered, something shifted. Genesis
3:16 (NIV) says,
“Your desire will be for your husband, and he
will rule over you.”
That was never God’s intent; it was the result
of rebellion. Sin introduced struggle where there had once been synchronicity.
From that point on, humanity’s relationship
dynamics became tainted by competition instead of cooperation—domination
instead of devotion.
And isn’t that exactly what we see today? The
power struggles, the dating games, the unspoken war between the sexes—all
echoes of Eden’s distortion.
3. The Redemption Through Christ
But here’s the good news: Jesus came to restore
what was lost—not just between God and humanity, but between man and woman.
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) reminds men:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
That’s not control. That’s sacrificial
leadership.
And Ephesians 5:33 adds:
“Each one of you also must love his wife as he
loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Love and respect. Masculine and feminine.
Different roles, equal worth.
God never called us to sameness. He called us
to oneness.
Cultural
Clash: The Western Shift
Our society preaches empowerment but forgets
alignment. It teaches independence at the cost of interdependence. And
somewhere along the way, we began to see connection as weakness.
Men were told to suppress their leadership.
Women were told to suppress their softness. And the result? A world full of
people too guarded to be genuine.
When both partners operate in masculine
energy, it becomes a battle of wills. When both are trapped in passive energy,
there’s no direction. But when a woman rests in her God-given feminine grace
and a man stands in his Spirit-led strength, peace enters the equation.
It’s not about dominance—it’s about divine
rhythm.
Scripture
Speaks to Both
Paul’s letters weren’t meant to confine; they
were meant to clarify.
1 Corinthians 11:11-12 (NIV) says,
“Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not
independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from
man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.”
It’s cyclical, not competitive.
Even Jesus demonstrated both divine
strengths—He wept with compassion (John 11:35) and stood firm with conviction
(Matthew 21:12). True Christlike energy is balanced, not blurred.
Pause
Continued: The Spiritual Root of Competition
If we peel back the layers, competition isn’t
just cultural—it’s spiritual.
Satan’s rebellion was rooted in competition
with God’s authority. He wanted equality without obedience. Sound familiar?
That same spirit whispers today, “You don’t
need him,” or “You don’t need her.” And while independence sounds noble,
isolation is never God’s goal. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) says,
“Two are better than one, because they have a
good return for their labour: If either of them falls down, one can help the
other up.”
That’s connection. That’s partnership. That’s
kingdom living.
The
Emotional Cost
Let’s be honest—the loneliness epidemic isn’t
just emotional; it’s spiritual. We’ve traded covenant for convenience, roles
for resentment, and leadership for labels.
But deep down, men still crave respect, and
women still crave love. That’s not outdated—that’s divine design.
Every time I’ve walked away from another first
meeting that felt like an interview instead of a connection, I’ve felt the ache
of what’s missing: the ease of divine alignment. The peace that comes
when both hearts rest in their God-given roles.
Because when a relationship reflects the
Creator’s order, there’s rest—not resistance.
Proceed:
Three Ways to Realign with God’s Design
We’ve made our Point—we see the
cultural distortion.
We’ve taken our Pause—we’ve reflected on the Word.
Now it’s time to Proceed—to walk in truth.
1. Reclaim Your Spiritual Posture
Before we can connect with someone else, we
have to reconnect with God.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) says,
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
We must detox from the world’s dating patterns
and return to the Kingdom’s design.
For men, that means standing strong in
leadership—not control, but service. Christ led by washing feet, not pointing
fingers.
For women, that means resting in grace, not
striving for position. The Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t passive—she was powerful,
but she knew her power came from peace, not pride.
When each person honours their divine role,
connection flows naturally because both are walking in God’s rhythm.
2. Honour the Energy of the Opposite
Instead of competing, celebrate what
the other brings.
A man’s strength isn’t a threat to a woman’s
worth, and a woman’s softness isn’t a threat to a man’s strength. They complete
each other.
1 Peter 3:7 (NIV) says,
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as
you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and
as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.”
“Weaker” doesn’t mean lesser—it means delicate,
precious, like fine glass that reflects light.
When we start seeing each other as divine
reflections instead of rivals, we open the door for healing and harmony.
Let her be radiant. Let him be rooted. Let
both be redeemed.
3. Build Kingdom Relationships, Not Cultural
Ones
The goal isn’t to “find someone.” The goal is
to build something—a covenant that glorifies God.
Matthew 6:33 (NIV) reminds us,
“But seek first his kingdom and his
righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Connection begins when two hearts are seeking
the same King.
Stop chasing chemistry and start cultivating Christ-centered
clarity.
Ask:
- Does
this relationship bring me closer to God?
- Does
it align with my calling?
- Do we
both understand the beauty of masculine and feminine design, as God
intended?
If the answer is yes, the connection will
follow. If the answer is no, don’t force it.
Because what’s meant for you will never make
you fight for peace.
Restoring
Joy in God’s Alignment
When we live in divine order, we live in
divine joy.
Psalm 37:4 (NIV) says,
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give
you the desires of your heart.”
Notice the sequence: delight first, desire
second. When we take delight in Him, our desires realign with His will—and that
includes relationships.
Maybe the reason some of us are still single
isn’t because we’re unworthy of love, but because God is still refining our
definition of it.
He’s not withholding; He’s preparing.
And when the right person comes, the energy
won’t feel forced. It will flow, because it’s been designed in heaven before
it’s discovered on earth.
Reflection:
The Power of Connection
I’ve come to realize that connection isn’t
just about romance—it’s about resonance. It’s when your soul recognizes peace
in another person’s presence.
Competition, on the other hand, drains that
peace. It’s rooted in fear—the fear of being unseen, unheard, or unloved.
But perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18
NIV).
When both people walk in that kind of love,
there’s no scoreboard, no silent battle. Just two souls walking hand-in-hand
toward Christ.
The Prayer
of Realignment
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for creating us in Your image—male and female, equal and unique.
Forgive us for the times we’ve allowed culture to confuse what You designed for
beauty.
Teach us again how to honour one another.
Help us, as men, to lead with humility and strength.
Help women to walk in grace and peace.
And for those still waiting, including me, remind us that our worth isn’t found
in whether we’re chosen by another,
but in the fact that we’ve already been chosen by You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Closing:
Proceeding with Purpose
So where do we go from here?
We Point to the problem—our culture’s
confusion.
We Pause to reflect on Scripture’s design.
And we Proceed—not with haste, but with hope.
Hope that connection still exists.
Hope that God still writes love stories.
Hope that when the time is right, connection will triumph over competition.
Until then, I’ll keep praying, keep trusting,
and keep walking in the peace that comes from knowing that when God aligns two
hearts, the world doesn’t need to understand—it only needs to witness His
glory.
Because in the end, the greatest connection of
all isn’t between man and woman—it’s between Creator and creation. And from
that connection, every other one finds its meaning.
