The Second Book The 32nd Chapter - Who are you

Aug 16/17

Do you know who you are and do others accept you for who you are?  Or do you feel your misunderstood and judged by your past performances in either your work place or in your personal life?

I would like to share a snap shot of my 20 year working life up until now.  During that 20 years I was surrounded and worked with mostly the same people.  I worked very hard on my professional and personal development yet as hard as I worked on those goals the perception of how others viewed me seemed to remain the same.  I felt I had grown and was increasing my value to the organization yet based on my intuition it felt like that the momentum of growth realization by others was not identified.

As I thought about this pattern and to why this was occurring I realized my responsibility was my lack of communication my boundaries and expectations.  I didn't have the strength of confidence to verbalize how I was getting impacted in a negative way and when this would happen I would try to work harder.  Yet with always the same result of this unsettling feeling and not truly being at a place where value could be fully utilized.

I realize I was creating a large part of this reality by this lack of communication on my part.  The people around me had no idea of their impact as I didn't communicate that impact and yet for a while I held them accountable.  Like wine that has been aged with time, I too feel I have learned a lesson on boundaries and how I can use them in a healthy way.

As I explore my new path I have had the opportunity to meet strangers and with an introduction I am able to share I am an author writing about healing and growth.  All of these conversations with people  they respond favorable and asked more questions.  As I share more the conversations are ending in value being given to both of us.  The results of experiences like these is growing my confidence and also how it ties back to knowing who I now am.  During these conversations they have no idea of my past therefore no judgments are made of either my success or failures.

I realize this gift of time that I currently have was meant for me to level up and to keep growing.  I realize if all of what has happened to me over the last years didn't happen I would not be experiencing the level of growth I am now.  I would have lived a comfortable life but not really living life.

As I reflect on my mistakes, I can now see how I added to situations in a negative way.  For those I have impacted in a negative way, I am sorry.  I realize I did the best I could at the time and now I know how I can do better in the present and the future.

There are still moments of being uncomfortable yet now I understand what is causing these moments.  It is exciting of what more I will discover about myself as my journey continues to knowing who I am.