The Second Book The 35th Chapter - Personal Boundaries

Aug 20/17

Have you thought of yourself as someone that values getting along with others and maybe sometimes you feel you are a people pleaser?  When you have that make up in your personality, one area that that you probably struggle with is maintaining or even starting to have personal boundaries.  You might find creating healthy boundaries difficult in regards to how others interact with you.

I know setting healthy boundaries for me is something I have always struggled with and in fact that is a personality trait that I still struggle with.  As I have gotten older there has been wins in the this personal development of growth area but it is something I still have to work at.  One of the toughest areas or emotions on setting personal boundaries for me is the guilt of when I say no to someone.  Also once I say no, I struggle to maintain that sense of no, as a sensitive person, I can feel that disappointment to varying degrees from others.

For me then guilt starts to build with that no and the need to say yes starts to grow to make the other person happy.  Recently I had an experience that has helped me build strength in being able to say no and how that no has led to a higher level of my self-confidence.

A person that entered my life for a short time was reaching out to try to maintain a connection even though I felt ultimately we were wasting each others time.  After the third time I felt I recognized a pattern that was emerging of the transfer of my energy to that person.  In the past there was times I had uncomfortable feelings in this scenario to my boundaries but I wasn't sure I was able to identify where these feelings were coming from.

The learning lesson for me is that I was able to identify where this negative energy drain was coming from and going.  From that realization I was able to set up a healthy personal boundary that was sustainable.  I used to always question myself if I was making a decision that was correct based on others views. Now with the passing of time I have learned my decisions on personal boundaries have to be right for only me.  Perhaps with time this recent decision might have been in error however the take away now is to realize that I do have a voice and it does matter.

The feeling of getting taken advantage of has disappeared with the feeling of confidence growing.  I know I will make mistakes in the future however to be even able to have the confidence in my personal boundaries and stick to them is a win for me.  With this confidence comes the greater ability for me to disconnect from the need for the other person has to hear a yes from me.

Even though currently I find myself in a situation in my personal and work life that leaves me uncomfortable.  I know I have just been given another small piece of the gift of growth of life's experience.